I found my best friend from K-3, Nicole on Myspace. She lived across the street from me in Mt. Lebanon (Pittsburgh) and our moms were best friends, too. Then, Melissa found me because I was on Nicole's Myspace friends list. Melissa was in Blue Birds and school with us. She was the first person I met in Kindergarten and we used to get separated during nap time because we wouldn't shut our mouths. When our cat had kittens my parents gave Melissa the one I wanted to keep. Then, because I was on Nicole's and Melissa's Myspace pages our old friend, Michelle found me. She said she still lives in the neighborhood and when she passes our old house she always thinks of slumber parties she attended there to celebrate my birthdays.

It is fun finding old friends but I'm finding it makes me a little sad as well, especially having just returned from Pittsburgh, a city I adore, 2 weeks ago. Life in Pittsburgh is very different from most other places. If you're reading this and have never lived there you'll think I'm remembering something that is idealized, but that is not the case. The city is thriving, the suburbs are a gorgeous mix of rustic and urban. People rarely leave so friendships are long-lasting and roots run deeply. Imagine what a loving and stable environment that is for a kid growing up. The homes in our suburb look more like little English cottages. The people fanatically love their city and will be the first to tell you what a high quality of life it is.

I feel robbed because I didn't get that upbringing. Interestingly, my sister said the exact same thing to me a few days ago and I hadn't mentioned how I am feeling to her. I look at Nicole's, Melissa's, and Michelle's Myspace pages and see that nearly all their friends are kids I went to school with in K-3, before my parents tried a last ditch effort to save their marriage and moved us to Maryland. And nearly all of them still live there. I wonder what my life would've been like had we stayed there. Instead, we made a pointless move to Maryland and my parents bailed anyway after barely 2 years. From there, Mom took us to Louisiana and it was a disaster. Rachel and I grew up fending for ourselves, trying to survive while all our old friends grew up together.

Dad and I walked at the track at Mt. Lebanon Highschool, which would've been my alma mater had we stayed, and the whole time we were walking all I could think about was how much I would've liked to go there. And now I'm home and reconnecting with people, and it adds to that feeling. We're all pushing 30 and the rest of them are still friends, and not just online because of Myspace. When I look at their online photo albums they've got tons of pictures together. I wonder what would've happened if I'd grown up in that situation. I'm not normally a whiner nor do I normally look back with regret, but after the trip over Christmas I was left yearning to be back there. And now, after seeing everything I missed that feeling has intensified. It's useless to think about it but I can't stop myself for some reason. I wish we'd stayed there, in our English-cottage house nestled among the hills. I wish I'd grown up with all of my old friends, because even if my family fell apart as it did after we moved, it would've been easier to handle with all those friends. Instead, Rachel and I were thrust into a situation where we couldn't focus on being kids because of our home life. I can't help but feel badly about it, especially given what a mess my sister is.